Tackling the complexities and nuances of dating in a candid discussion with a good friend visiting from Canberra on the weekend, we revelled in anecdotes of former, current, and potential future consorts and the deal makers and breakers that determine them.
Interestingly, we concluded that knowing what we want and don't want in life and in our relationships, is a fluid process, with what we sought in our early twenties, now making way for choices of wiser lessons learned.
Ah, for the luxury of time and retrospect. Non?
Indeed, Generations X and Y are extremely fortunate in the myriad of opportunities in all facets of our lives. But then, shouldn't increased choice, availability and mortality be then accompanied with permission to take our time, make errors in judgement, and not apologise for the liberty to change our thought patterns, desires and needs?
Upon meeting and marrying French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, Bruni-Sarkozy's admission of her prior shunning of traditional bourgeois moral beliefs, declaring herself easily 'bored by monogamy', morphed into that of the 'love at first sight' variety. During the television interview, Walters staunchly questioned Italian-born Bruni-Sarkozy on her modelling career, album release, controversial love affairs, recent marriage and subsequent new First Lady status.
Sarkozy and Bruni
Continued provocation alluding to scepticism regarding the supermodel turned singer's whirlwind three month romance and wedding, coupled with her colourful past and 'adulterous' ways, prompted a gracious smile from Bruni-Sarkovzy, answering that she had never been married previously, thereby rendering the adultery allegation nil and void, but rather, those married beaus should own up to the their own shortcomings. When questioned as to whether she had any regrets, again, she simply smiled and declined, admitted to making mistakes, and responded that the past defines who she has become.
We have here, a 40 year old former model, supermodel at that, bilingual, well-educated, possessing musical talent, who, rather than be recognised for her decision to wait for what she describes 'true love', a marriage pre-requisite, she is judged for her past indiscretions, whilst being a single woman, responsible to no one but herself.
Interestingly, men who decide to marry numerous times whilst flaunting their extramarital affairs aren't condemned, judged or ostracised, but instead, are almost somewhat revered, with this behaviour deemed acceptable.
Society's double standards will never cease to amaze me. Should we perhaps applaud her for achieving her own trifecta?
This led me to think about the women I know here in Australia. According to the 2001 Census, more than half a million Australian women aged between 25 and 34 were single.
This is apparently, an increase of 65% on the previous decade. So, what then is the reason behind this burgeoning shift? Is it primarily by choice; sexual orientation; a dramatic decrease of both heterosexual and single men (particularly in Sydney and Melbourne); or a consequence of the impending social trend of marrying at a later age while career opportunities take precedence, leaving more to be desired in the relationship sector?
Seven years on from that survey, we can safely infer that this number is climbing. This leaves the elusive trifecta of having it all – home, career and relationship, just out of grasp for a staggering number of Australian women.
The popular adage of having the perfect work and life balance is an ideal most people have on layby – while we cannot have or afford it right at this moment, it will be ours one day in the future. But when exactly does this ‘future’ promise to manifest?
The popular adage of having the perfect work and life balance is an ideal most people have on layby – while we cannot have or afford it right at this moment, it will be ours one day in the future. But when exactly does this ‘future’ promise to manifest?
Success achieved from work gives us a sense of validation and a boost to our self-esteem. The same can be obtained from a healthy relationship and having a safe, comforting and private retreat we call home. However, where and at which point do we draw the line and make a distinct balance between the trio?
With a limited number of hours in the day, it’s to be expected those of us who have dedicated ourselves to having successful careers will spend an ungodly portion of it holed up at our desks, heads buried in lap tops and a mountain of paperwork, because it’s one or the other isn’t it, really?
Is anyone who genuinely believes she can charge their way through high-powered, demanding career, then meet their desired partner and maintain a lasting and thriving relationship, whether it be defacto or marriage, while bringing up a family in today's relentless economy, really just kidding herself?
Is anyone who genuinely believes she can charge their way through high-powered, demanding career, then meet their desired partner and maintain a lasting and thriving relationship, whether it be defacto or marriage, while bringing up a family in today's relentless economy, really just kidding herself?
On closer inspection of the aforementioned soaring divorce and infidelity rates, one can conclude that the notion of being 'time-poor' more often than not also equates a relationship-poor status. The probability of people ever marrying has declined as the rates of marriage have declined. Based on the nuptiality tables as derived from the 2007 Australian Bureau of Statistics Social Trends, 79% of boys born in 1985–1987 would get married; by 2000–2002, this proportion had fallen to 69%. For girls, the decline was from 86% to 74%. In other words, if 2000–2002 nuptiality rates were to prevail into the future, 31% of males and 26% of females would never marry in their lifetimes.
Relationships, like trading shares, are risky forms of investments. If you play the game right, entering then exiting at the appropriate times, you may hit the jackpot, earning yourself a windfall. Logically, it’s expected the more time, energy and trust you deposit into it, the greater the eventual future return. Realistically though, mirror the highs and lows experienced in relationships; share prices can also plummet suddenly and dramatically, leaving you floundering as you’re forced to ponder where the last few years of your life disappeared to and what you have to show for your embattled emotional war wounds.
Is the notion of the trifecta merely an illusion? A myth perpetuated throughout the decades in order to deliver an intravenous drip of hope and reassurance to those loved-starved veins still siphoning the remnants of forgotten promises and fraudulent desires? Or a game, if played correctly, allowing you to pass go, collect your partner and sail off into the sunset living happily ever after?
Can we really have the fairy tale and if so, who does? Perhaps the new French First Lady does; provided she can get past the female ear bashing.
We should all be so lucky.
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